More thoughts

Well, it has been awhile since I bored you all (all 5 of you that read my blog!), with my thoughts, so I thought I would share some with you again.

It has been exactly a year since my last IUI failed and we found out the only option for me to get pregnant would be through IFV. When we learned that we had a decision to make, 1. Decide that our family was complete, 2. try an IVF, or 3. Adopt. Well, we knew #1 wasn't an option, our family is not complete yet, and so after discussion and prayer, we obviously felt that adoption was the right choice for us.

So we submitted our paper work and have been approved since December, seven months ago. So we are waiting. We are trying to to all we can to get the word out and help facilitate our adoption, but we are still waiting. Our profile has been viewed over a thousand times and we recently put our profile up at Parent Profiles. But we are still waiting. The hardest part for me right now is going between the emotions, of "Good, our profile is being viewed a lot" to "What is wrong with us, why isn't anyone picking us?" And it is trying to check my email everyday, hoping someone has contacted us, feeling my hopes rise a little as I log in, only to have them dashed when we have no messages. The right answer to those negative feelings is that we aren't just waiting for any child, we are waiting for our child. And while I do believe that, it still kind of hurts, and feel like we are being determined inadequate. But I also can't even begin to imagine how is must feel for these girls who have made the choice to carry their baby and then place them for adoption to be looking at all these profiles and then try and decide which one to let raise their baby. There are so many emotions in adoption, ranging from sadness to hope on my side, as well as feeling sorrow for the hard choice this is for birth mothers and complete admiration for them for making this choice.

But also looking back, I have to say I am doing a heck of a lot better now than I was a year ago. It still hurts and I still long for a baby to come (AND SOON!). But the denial, anger, and grief have been numbed over time. So thanks everyone for supporting us and keep on praying that our baby will find their way here soon!

Oh, and also I have decided to start posting some of the same post from this blog on our adoption blog, as well as some new ones just for that blog. So check it out and if you wouldn't mind adding it to your blog list that would be great. That way if people are on your blog and decide to "blog hop"they might stumble upon it and help spread the word more! Here is the link. tylerandjenadopt.blogspot.com